Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.

Always remember this: 'A kiss will never miss, and after many kisses a miss becomes a misses

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.

There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked.

“If you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's real embarrassing if someone tries to kill you.”
 

Employees make the best dates. You don't have to pick them up and they're always tax-deductible

According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.

Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla.

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."

“Save a boyfriend for a rainy day - and another, in case it doesn't rain.”
 

Secret forces are bringing compatible spirits together. If the man permits himself to be led by this ineffable attraction, good fortune will come his way. When deep friendships exist, formalities and elaborate preparations are not necessary.

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.

“I've been dating since I was fifteen. I'm exhausted. Where is he?”
 

Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant.

“How many of you have ever started dating because you were too lazy to commit suicide?”
 

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.